While Illinois is gaining hope to move to Phase 3 in June, we are still facing uncertainty as we move forward into unchartered waters. Most people are wondering, what will life be like? What’s ahead? Will there be another wave of this virus? Ultimately, we want to save as many lives as possible. I’ll admit I don’t totally understand how all this works, or what the future holds, but sign me up. I’ll do my part.
I am horrified and saddened when I see images on the news of the loss of life in the world, in this country, in my city. Did we ever imagine it would come to this?
As a trauma therapist, I am asking “what is the price we are paying by isolating, by quarantining?”
I see you, moms with young kids.
You’ve done a billion nature walks and a trillion craft times. You are ready to tear your hair out from breaking up sibling squabbles and picking up messes. That’s not to mention trying to keep a toddler quiet/busy/occupied while you help your others with e-learning! And the cooking never ends. You are no sooner finished cleaning up breakfast dishes when someone is asking for lunch.
I see you, sheltering alone.
You invested most of your time in your work life with the occasional happy hour or time at the gym. That seemed to meet most of your social needs. You hadn’t realized your community was so small. Now, you’ve read every book on your nightstand, tried every Peloton class and joined every virtual group you could find. But you can’t remember the last time you received a hug. And you are just feeling downright lonely.
I see you, struggling financially.
Your business took a huge hit. The dreams you had for the future have evaporated. Now, you are just trying to keep your head above water. You are burning the candle at both ends. Your mind is going a million miles an hour trying to reinvent yourself, become relevant to the new reality and retain as many employees as you can.
Not to mention those of you who have lost your jobs, lost a loved one, are sheltering in place with your abuser. Maybe you are an essential worker, putting in extra shifts, taking greater risks. Whether you are a healthcare worker, first responder, store clerk or delivery personnel – you are working more hours than ever before. And you feel exhausted, bone tired, burned out. The list of human suffering is endless.
The other day I told someone “we are living in the middle of a historical event”. The person just looked at me and said “I don’t want to live in the middle of a historical event!” Yep! Me neither.
I recently heard the word ‘endurance’ and it caught my attention.
It’s not a word I hear or say very often (or ever). It’s usually associated with intense physical feats, like running a marathon. (Which I have never and will ever do). It may be just the word we need right now.
Endurance means “the power to withstand hardships or stress” or “a state of surviving; remaining alive.” We are in this perpetual state of surviving, aren’t we? Every day just trying to get by. But it’s also that first definition, “the power to withstand.”
I’ve been wondering what that looks like exactly. Maybe it looks like having a messy house so you can take a nap instead. Maybe it looks like giving the kids cereal for breakfast -EVERY.DAY. Maybe it looks like calling a friend, letting yourself cry or get angry – inviting them into that more vulnerable place inside you. Maybe it looks like sitting in your car, with your coffee, and pretending (even for just an hour) that you are in Starbucks reading your book.
What does surviving mean to you? Can you take a second or third look at your day and find ways to make them a little easier, if only slightly?
Can you find rituals to start or end your day that help you stay present? It’s the letting go of the future and living in the now that helps us survive. It’s the asking for help and letting people in. It’s the trying to find a few simple things to be grateful for. It’s the noticing of the simple pleasures. And it’s releasing the old standards that were barely achievable back when things were normal.
Be gentle with yourself.
You are in a perpetual state of surviving, after all.
As we all bravely move forward into Phase 3 and beyond… remember to find your unique endurance – whatever that looks like.
