The pursuit of PERFECTION: What is the cost to our mental & physical health…and our kids?
It’s no secret. From very early on, little girls are conditioned to be a certain way. Girls learn that being attractive will please others, help secure love and success in order to receive positive feedback. We live in a society based on looks and we are surrounded by certain sociocultural expectations.
Women should be beautiful, sexy, funny, successful and maternal. All while trying to make sure we are not being too much, too direct or too strong. We are supposed to be perfect across all areas of life. No big deal.
It’s no wonder why I haven’t met many woman who are satisfied with themselves without a long list of the things she would like to change about herself!!!
Perfection is not obtainable. But, we keep trying. No harm in that, right?
Here’s the thing. In striving for perfection, the price we pay is often hard to see. It can be invisible, but it’s there.
Striving for perfection not only impacts our mental & physical health, but sadly, it ends up impacting our kids.
Our society is obsessed with social media and kids/ teenagers, especially girls define themselves and their popularity and self-worth by the number of “likes” they receive on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok and other sites. Both boys and girls deal with an overwhelming amount of stress.
The pressures our children deal with today is INSANE!! Thera are no questions why anxiety, low self-esteem, body image issues, depression, eating disorders, obesity, drug abuse, and suicides rates are at an all time high!
Our children are beyond stressed and overwhelmed from such an early age to be the best, beautiful, smart and successful!!!!
Sound familiar?? Our kids are striving for the same unobtainable perfection we are.
As parents, we know it’s wrong to buy into these beliefs. But, if we’re honest, we fear for our children to fall behind and never succeed in this competitive world that we have raised them in.Where does that leave us as parents?? More Overwhelmed and stressed.
Because we can’t be perfect, and it’s so easy to see all our flaws and insecurities, we obsess over our children. We try to give them what we lack. We relive what is missing in our lives through theirs. In other words, we try to help them be perfect, or a more perfect version of ourselves.
We say it a little differently. We say “I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did, sweetie.” Or, you’ve heard “You’re only as happy as your least happiest child.”
It’s not a crime to want your kids to be happy or to learn from your mistakes, do better than you did, have more than you did, have a better life. But, the thing is it doesn’t work. We can’t do that for them. They have to live their own lives, and you have to live your life. When we try to do this, there is a subtle way we are passing on the perfection shackles as well.
I feel like I am always hearing from other women, mothers, or friends, it’s NEVER enough! Guess what? It never will be enough.
How can we turn around an entire society? Our programming? And not pass it down to our kids? It starts with one single person: YOU.
Not your kids. YOU.
As women, we yearn to feel beautiful, and we need to recognize that starts from within. We have to start quieting the voice that says you’re less than, not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough or thin enough.
How do you do that? We start by taking care of ourselves and our needs. Of course, we love things that make us feel good like yoga, massages and Nordstrom. But, we also have to make sure we’re meeting the needs of our hearts– feeling loved, connected, appreciated, valued, seen and understood.
We are conditioned to take care of everyone else and forget or do not feel important enough to focus on ourselves.
Let’s be honest. It’s a lot easier to become obsessed with our children’s lives rather than face our own insecurities. It takes a lot more courage to focus on ourselves, marriages and relationships, our own issues with food, anxiety, and stress. As a result, we have become hypersensitive, overly emotional and over-involved in our children’s lives.
We need to make ourselves a priority and unlearn our negative thoughts about ourselves and the world around us.
Let go of who you think you need to be and just be who you actually are.
The first step towards achieving happiness, fulfillment and true beauty is to accept ourselves the way we are and quit comparing ourselves and families to others.
Being beautiful means feeling good about yourself mentally, emotionally and physically.
The most beautiful thing
a woman can wear is
According to the American Heart Association, “Healthy Driven reminds us that the heart and mind co-exist. Don’t ignore emotions that can overwhelm your life like chronic stress, anxiety, depression and anger. Find ways to take care of your emotional well-being”.
There is a strong link between your mental, emotional and your physical health!!! We need to take care of ourselves first, so we can care for our families and the world around us!!
We need to focus on our emotional well being, eat healthy, exercise regularly, get enough sleep and practice mindfulness on a regular basis. Slow down, be present and make yourself a priority!!!!!!
In case YOU needed to hear this today: SELF-CARE is not selfish!!!!!
In fact, it is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and the people you love. If you would like support in carving out this path, we are here for you.